I feel anxious and overwhelmed. I feel a bit angry and powerless. I feel that my struggles with MyWife are futile and hopeless. I feel like things are never going to get better. I feel ashamed. I’m going to send my family disclosure to my cousins and I’m scared to do that. I don’t know […]Read more "Today"
I guess what I can say about it is that it wasn’t as bad as I thought. It was painful and shameful. Terrifying and nerve wracking but my wife didn’t get up and run out of there screaming. She did’t look at me with disgust. She didn’t even get angry. I am scared that she […]Read more "I Did My Disclosure Today…"
So maybe not actually the first draft, but a draft. They say you can’t heal without doing a disclosure, nor will your marriage ever heal. I hope they are right, but I don’t see how my marriage will ever heal after she hears all this. There’s just so much, it’s such an insane amount and […]Read more "First Draft of My Disclosure"
I think it’s because we have a choice. If you are interested in something from a religious perspective, this might be helpful. I’m just relearning faith, and I’m not sure I get this entirely yet, this document that is, but I think it makes sense and it builds a lot on what Friend shared about his […]Read more "Why is there Pain and Suffering?"
Well today was a long, shitty day. I once again didn’t get up as early as I wanted to. I succumbed to the temptation of pornography and masturbation once again this morning. I packed up my stuff from my apartment, I’m moving it back to City1 to City2. All but two items, a propane grill and […]Read more "Wednesday… I feel so lost and hopeless"
I feel like shit today. Things keep changing and I’m giving up hope. I’m losing patience and I’m really feeling down today. I haven’t stuck to my plans. I’m discouraged. I’ve acted out 3 times in the past 24 hrs (porn & masturbation) after doing so well. I slept in the morning. I haven’t worked […]Read more "I just want to give up"
I’m so scared of losing MyWife. I know she doesn’t really believe that, but it’s true. I’m terrified of it. As she was talking this evening about her therapy sessions, both yesterday and today, she mentioned grieving. She needs to grieve. I fear it’s grieving me and our relationship and moving away from me. (Here […]Read more "I’m so scared…"