Cravings & Urges

Always there, ever present, just out of sight, lingering, loitering, waiting… That’s how I feel about the urge to act out. Let’s set the stage here just a bit. It’s 3:00 in the afternoon. I’m sitting in my apartment on the couch. It’s an overcast day outside, the wind is quite strong, constantly hoping by […]

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End of the Day

So I didn’t leave the house today… but that was ok, I’m in a strangely ok mood. I did some reading today, nothing meaningful, but caught up on some things that I wanted to. I also caught up on a bunch of TV. Knocked out the last two episodes of Black Sails, such a good […]

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Everything costs money

It turns out that there are a great deal of resources available for sex addicts, porn addicts and spouses of addicts. There are therapists, inpatient programs, outpatient programs, intensives, groups, workshops, meetings, websites, apps, books, you name it, it’s probably out there.   Almost everything costs money though. The few things that I have found […]

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I’m constantly hungry. I wonder if that’s me trying to mediate with food? Watching Brene Brown’s first TED Talk…  I should see if she has anything for sex addicts on her website, not that the whole shame and vulnerability thing isn’t dead on for addiction. Components of Wholeheartedness: Courage Compassion Connection Vulnerability How do I […]

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I just want to give up

I feel like shit today. Things keep changing and I’m giving up hope. I’m losing patience and I’m really feeling down today. I haven’t stuck to my plans. I’m discouraged. I’ve acted out 3 times in the past 24 hrs (porn & masturbation) after doing so well. I slept in the morning. I haven’t worked […]

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Daring Greatly by Brene Brown

I just started reading it. The first few pages are about vulnerability. I’m already going to thoughts of porn and masturbation in my head. So what does this mean? 1. This probably seems painful to me, therefore I want to avoid and medicate. That’s what my addiction does for me. 2. This is also probably […]

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