I was reading about vulnerability and shame today in Brene Brown’s book, Daring Greatly. Shame really has done a pretty good number on me and I’m terrified of being vulnerable. I’m also pretty tired of being hidden and living in fear, so my prayer tonight is that I find the strength to be strong and to be vulnerable.
I’m going to have lunch tomorrow with someone I used to work with. He’s a ‘Good Christian Man’ and I like him a lot but I’m scared to tell him my story. I’m embarrassed about how fall I’ve fallen, about the things that I have done and about who I was. I’ve always striven to maintain an image, but that image fell apart. I don’t know if I never was that image or if my addiction was what prevented me from living it. Either way it’s gone and now I’m naked, so to speak.
Learning to live with me now and sharing who I really am is going to be a huge part of my recovery. I’m really going to have to lean into all that vulnerability to discovery how to live with rigorous honesty.
I hope I can find the strength.
- Walking the dogs this evening and dinner with
- That a person from SAA remembered that I have an interview this week and asked me if I was ready for it. It was nice that he reached out.
- That I managed to get another workout in today, that’s 3 in 6 days. Every other day.
- That it felt like a good day.
- That my brother and his wife find some healing.
- That I can keep up this momentum and build on it.
- That my health insurance claims get sorted out in a reasonable manner.
- That I find the strength to work on my disclosure.
MyWifehas a good nights sleep and get’s some rest.
- That we will know what to do when it comes to our current financial situation.
- That one of these jobs will pan out.
#gratitudes #prayers #vulnerability #shame